Good Fences Good Neighbours? (The Fence Part 2)

We haven't even attempted to put up the fence yet. It's been one thing after another and somehow, none of us have been able to settle on a weekend. Marathons for Jay, travel for me, health reasons for Mr. Madbrit, and on top of it all, the weather has been dismal for outdoor activity.

But this story isn't about my fence.

Steven's home is coming along nicely:- for Steven. You will recall Steven decided to build his home in my backyard. Well, not literally, but about as close as someone could and not actually be in my back garden. The foundation was laid, the frames went up, sheet rock placed and right now they are putting on the roof. I've learned something about Steven. The man likes things large. Remember he put in those cattle farm posts? Well, those things dwarf in comparison to the monstrosity he's erecting. Through the sparse, sad trees that are standing, this mammoth structure looms, visible form every window facing what was once lush vegetation.

But again this story isn't about the eyesore from my window.

Let's get to the tale. Steven is, to put it plainly, paranoid in the extreme. He has stuck no trespassing signs all across the back fence, separating his property from all of us on J*** Drive. There they are, as proliferate as campaign posters from rival parties plastering every spare surface. It leaves one in no doubt Steven is not up for visitors. Even our pushy, presumptuous neighborhood Avon Lady will have reason to pause and perhaps lament the lack of capitalistic opportunity from within Steven's mighty door. He has shown no interest in befriending his new neighbors and has in fact treated every approach of a friendly inquiry or conversation with wariness and suspicion. He is also extremely territorial. This is evident in the way he meticulously combed the property line, pointing out to each of us every brick or paver that strayed onto his property. So, how can all this paranoia not translate into potential drama, which, for the last 6 years, has been the essence that has fed and satisfied the residents of J*** Drive?

Enter stage left Coo Coo John. He goes by various other names: Crotchety Old Man, Orange Man, The Nut in the Corner House; you get the drift. John is a nightmare. He was medically discharged from the military because of his mental instability. He then moved into our neighborhood and made it his life's ambition to harass and annoy every neighbor possible. John thrives on bullying. He stalks his "prey", discovers what sets them off and proceeds to taunt them every time an opportunity presents itself. John walks his dogs on other peoples property never picking up the presents it leaves behind, bottle of beer in hand and a gun in a holster on his hip. He shoots fireworks, aiming at the roofs of the neighborhood homes, rides his scooter, again beer in hand and gun on him, all around the subdivision and engages in taunts and trespassing whenever he can. In other words, a thoroughly unpleasant boor. We've all had run ins with John and we've mostly learned to ignore him or call the police if we can't.

Back to Steven's fence. I am sure you know where this is going. Those no trespassing signs flapping innocently in the wind are tantamount to the proverbial red cape. In this instance the bull is our neighborhood troglodyte. Coo Coo John was handed Steven's trigger on a platter and ran with it. He bent Steven's fence to where he could had easy access, and proceeded to trespass onto Steven's property at every given opportunity. And just to make sure Steven knew he's been there, he leaves cigarette butts and empty beer bottles scattered around. As related to me by my neighbors, when asked, they fervently pointed Steven to Coo Coo John's doorstep where words were exchanged much to their delight. The predictable result of this heated exchange was Coo Coo stepping up his trespassing campaign and taking great delight in provoking Steven.

As for the rest of us neighbors, it's showtime. We've stocked up on the popcorn, brought out our deck chairs and have sat back waiting for this exhilarating drama to unfold. There is no love lost for either party and honestly, if one gets carted off to jail for doing the other in, there won't be a tear shed from the lot of us.

As for the saying, Good fences make good neighbors, well, not in my neighborhood. Fences seem to have some magical ability to create discord to a ludicrous degree where we live. And right now, we're loving every minute of it.